Coming Out in the Workplace - Pride ERG @ Apartment List

When I think back on my “coming-out” story, I’m often reminded that coming out doesn’t really ever end. I came out for the first time in 2014, and I’ve probably come out hundreds of times since then. It’s a decision I’m faced with regularly, whether I’m explicitly telling someone, deciding if I feel safe to mention my wife in front of someone I don’t know well, or wearing my Apartment List rainbow shirt for an interview.

In every respect, I feel incredibly lucky with how supportive my family, friends, and colleagues have been. I’m even more lucky to live in a state where my rights are protected, and I'm acutely aware of how different my life could be if I lived somewhere else. Particularly in respect to my livelihood, I can count on one hand the number of times I have feared for my job because of being a lesbian. And because it has always felt so easy to come out, I didn’t realize how much I still needed a community in the workplace who understood things that aren’t so easy.

When we started the Pride ERG at Apartment List in 2021, I wasn’t sure what it would add to my life, mostly because I thought I was already in a pretty good spot. But connecting with other LGBTQ+ members in the A-List community has changed my experience. It is a small (rainbow) bubble of joy, comradery, and support that I didn’t know I was missing until I had it. It was the first place I posted my engagement photo, and where I went to grieve after the “Don’t Say Gay” bill was passed in Florida. It’s a community that has supported me, and as the Pride ERG President, I have become a better leader, advocate, and ally.

I also naively thought that when I joined our Pride ERG, I would know everyone in it. Not only did I not, but I realized that statistically we were probably missing members who weren’t out or comfortable identifying themselves. Even though our ERG is private (so that no one is outed at work), we still have room to grow in making it a completely safe space to be out and our most authentic selves at work.

I’ve become fiercely protective of this group and gained confidence in pushing for benefits, representation, and even swag that is representative of everyone at Apartment List. I’ve learned how to use my comfort in being out at work to support those who aren’t, and Apartment List has been supportive every step of the way.

When I first came out at work in 2014, it was because I was going through a breakup, hurting, and in need of support. I thought that being out would make me feel more connected to those around me, but in some ways I still felt alone because I didn’t have anyone at my company to look to as an LGBTQ+ mentor. I didn’t have a community and for many years—by myself—I tried to figure out how to navigate being out at work. Now, I’m unabashedly open about my identity at work, knowing I can make a difference to those around me, and that’s the most rewarding thing.